As anyone who knows me can attest, I am skinny. I have always been skinny, and it is completely possible that I will always be skinny. While I have had periods of being heavier and lighter, I have never gone on a diet to lose weight. After having each of my three children, any residual baby weight was gone by my 6 week appointment and I was actually lighter after having my second and third than I was before my first. I wear size 2 pants and, honestly, they are too big for me.
Now a lot of people would read the paragraph above and think I was boasting. After all, I am the type of woman heavier women love to hate. I am the type of woman that everyone says all fashion is designed around and that so many heavier women seem to assume can just walk into a store and buy whatever she wants.
But I was not intending to boast. No, I am trying to nicely say "lay off." You are not the only person with problems with weight and, no, fashion streets are not paved with gold for me. And you know something else? The media and other individuals can be pretty hard on me too.
I understand that I have never experienced the struggle to eat less calories. I have however put myself on a diet: to eat more. I have struggled to gain weight in pregnancy with 2 of my children and have lost it all too fast for some medical personnel's liking (one gave me a pretty hard time about it; I think she thought I was purposely restricting calories to lose weight even though I was breastfeeding). I have also had many other brushes with the underweight side of the curve that have prompted me to have to focus on gaining weight. In fact, I am currently in one of those stages. Just in case you were wondering, no, it isn't pleasant to eat more when you don't want to.
I struggle a lot to find clothes for me. Sure, I don't have all the same problems a heavier woman does, but I have plenty of my own. Did you know there are plenty of clothes that don't come in a size 2 either? Furthermore, the reason I wear pants that are too big for me: because finding a size 0 is even more difficult. I really don't like clothes shopping and a big part of that is how frustrating it is to find things I look good in, just like most women.
And bras. Larger women seem to be under the impression that smaller woman don't need bras, so it doesn't matter what we wear. This is very much not true. I understand that I don't have the same problems larger chested women have. I even can see how it might even be a lot harder for them than me and that their need for a bra is greater than mine. But I wear a 32 band size--because I have never once found a band size of 28 that was more than an A cup (and even that is rare) No, I am not an A cup. I can find 30 band sizes online but a lot of stores do not carry them in store except for those clearly meant for 12-year-olds. And the bras that come in these sizes are not the cheap ones; they are at least $40 per bra. So no, I can't just pick up a $5 bra at Walmart that solves any problems I could have. And for the people that think I should just cut off the clasp and sew it back on further up the band to shorten it I say this: have you ever tried that? It is kind of a lot of work and the straps end up being in funny places and now you have just cut up a brand new bra. The fact is, bras are often terrible to shop for and are expensive and they might just be that way for everyone.
You want to know something else? All this pro "real women" media seems to often forget something: I am real too. Because the necessary logical conclusion from the assertion that the fashion industry isn't designing for "real women" because they only design for thinner women is that thinner women are not in fact real. Songs about how men don't like size 2s being praised doesn't exactly send an accepting message to anyone who is in fact a size 2. Why is it necessary to put down someone else to make yourself feel good?
And in terms of people in my life being obnoxious about my weight I do deal with the following, especially when I was single and living with roommates or in high school: I have been told that I am flat chested with varying degrees of venom behind the statement. I have been told that I am "so anorexic-ly skinny" on numerous occasions. Granted, at least one of those situations it was intended to be a compliment (which is a problem of its own), but it isn't a nice feeling to be basically accused of having a mental disorder you don't have. I have been told by several different people that "I hate you; you're so skinny!" Yes, this is usually meant as a joke, but it isn't exactly nice, especially coming from people I don't know well in the locker room. Truth is, it can be pretty awkward and hurtful to comment on a skinny person's weight as well as a larger person.
No, none of that has really caused me to have a terrible body image; in general I like my body. But do you know what does bother me? I am not allowed by society to talk about any problems I do have with my weight or my body shape. I have had a few different people get mad at me for mentioning that I do sometimes struggle with gaining weight. I generally am accused of bragging or intentionally making them feel bad about themselves. It is not okay to mention anything about problems with weight when you are like me because so many people "would love to have that problem."
I am not saying that many things in the world are not a problem for larger women. Yes, there is a push to be skinny and I undoubtedly benefit in some ways from being closer to the "ideal" body type (though I am not supermodel tall or anything). But I am also a real person. I have real feelings and problems and struggles, even when it comes to my weight. I am not trying to assert my problems are bigger than other people's, just that I, like everyone else, have them.
So to all women: can we please stop putting each other down to make ourselves feel better? Can we all encourage each other in our goals to live healthy lives regardless of if they are currently overweight, underweight, or of a healthy weight? Can people stop looking at others and deciding they must have a charmed life because they have x desirable quality? It is getting kind of old.
